After last week’s post about authoritarians and authoritarian followers, my thoughts this week focus on civility. Authoritarian leaders have never been known for their civility, because they abandon respectful communication and behavior towards individuals and groups. Their lack of civility opens the doors for extreme polarization and the normalization of cruelty, corruption, and mass disinformation.

As polarization increases and trust in democratic institutions declines, the big question is how people can move forward and maintain a functioning democracy. My point today is that civility is essential. Civility refers to social interactions in which participants maintain respect for one another, and demonstrate respectful behavior toward one another, even when they disagree. Behaving with civility reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings, stereotyping, and conflict. But racism and bigotry are nourished by incivility.

When he was sixteen years old, George Washington (1732-1799), who became the first president of the United States in 1789, wrote down 110 “Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation.” His writing project was an exercise in youthful penmanship, as he copied an English translation of an older text, originally written by French Jesuits. The focus of Washington’s text was civility: polite, reasonable, and respectful behavior. Historians and biographers recognize the influence of these rules in shaping Washington’s character. For Washington, the “Rules of Civility” provided a presidential framework. Throughout his presidency of eight years, Washington demonstrated genuine courtesy, kindness, and consideration in his actions, which solidified his image as a virtuous leader.

A few of Washington’s rules struck me recently, as I was thinking about current events.

• “Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those present.”
• “When you reprove another be without blame yourself.”
• “Let your conversation be without malice or envy.”
• “In all causes of passion allow reason to govern.”

Incivility takes form in rude and discourteous actions, in disparaging emails, in spreading rumors, or simply in refusing to assist another person.

Civility means much more than simple politeness. Civility is about interpersonal respect and seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences. It is about moving beyond preconceptions and listening to the other and encouraging others to do the same.

Civility is hard work because it means staying present to people with whom one can have deep-rooted and fierce disagreements. Civility means collaborating for the common good. It is about negotiating interpersonal conversations in such a way that everyone’s voice is heard, and nobody’s voice is ignored. Not always easy. Civility means that despite different personal perspectives we still have a larger shared vision and we must collaborate to make it a reality. I have always seen this as the main point of the Parable of the Compassionate Samaritan, in Mark 12:31, where Jesus says: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” THAT is civility.

When civility is replaced by mockery, dishonest accusations, and abusive slogans, people become monsters. History shows amply that monsters often create more monsters. History also reminds us that such a scenario never has a happy ending.

The reflection this week is brief. But the task awaiting us is a long process.

 

Civility begins with you and me, with family and friends, with neighbors and colleagues. We gradually construct what I like to call coalitions of transformation: communities of faith, hope, and support. In her 1964 book, Continuities in Cultural Evolution, the famous cultural anthropologist, Margaret Meade (1901 – 1978), said: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”